By Andy, founder
One worry I hear a lot from people thinking about dating again goes something like this: "I'd love to meet someone, but I'm not sure how the kids will take it." Those kids might be in their twenties, thirties or older, with homes and families of their own, and the worry is still very real. If that sounds familiar, this post is for you.
It's your life too
Grown up children love you and want you to be happy, even if they don't always show it in the way you'd expect. Wanting company, conversation and someone to share the good bits with is completely normal at any age. You don't need anyone's permission to start dating, and you don't need to have everything worked out before you do.
When to tell them
There's no single right moment. Some people mention it early so it's never a big reveal; others wait until there's someone worth talking about. A few things worth thinking about:
- Tell them before they find out another way. Families talk, and Essex can feel very small at times.
- Keep it light. "I've joined a dating site" is far easier to say than a formal announcement over Sunday dinner.
- Be fair if you have more than one. Try to tell them around the same time, so nobody feels they were the last to know.
- Keep some things to yourself. You don't have to report back on every date. A little privacy is healthy for everyone.
If they're not keen
Sometimes the reaction isn't the one you hoped for. More often than not, that's worry rather than disapproval. They might feel protective, still be missing a parent, or simply not be used to seeing you in this light. If you're dating after a divorce or after losing a partner, it can stir up feelings for them too, and our post on dating again after divorce or losing a partner looks at that side more gently.
Give them time, listen to what's really bothering them and reassure them where you can. What usually helps most is simply seeing that you're being sensible...and that you're happy.
Being sensible reassures everyone
A lot of family worry comes down to safety, especially if your children have heard stories about meeting people online. The best answer is to show them you've got it covered:
- Meet somewhere public and make your own way there and back.
- Let someone know where you're going and when you expect to be home. This is a nice way to include a son or daughter who's feeling anxious.
- Take your time before sharing your address or other personal details.
Our guide to dating safely has plenty more practical tips you can share with the family, too.
Introducing someone new
There's no rush to bring a new partner to Sunday lunch. Wait until you're both sure it's going somewhere. When the time comes, keep that first meeting short, relaxed and on neutral ground...a stroll along the front at Southend or a coffee in town works far better than a big family dinner where everyone feels on show.
Let those relationships grow at their own pace. Nobody needs to be best friends straight away, and a bit of patience goes a long way.
Your time, your pace
One of the lovely things about dating once the children are grown is the freedom it brings. You can meet for lunch on a Tuesday, take a long walk at the weekend or head off for a day by the sea without juggling anyone else's diary. If you need inspiration, our first date ideas in Essex are a good place to start, and you can see who's around in your part of the county on our singles near me pages.
I started Go Essex Dating to give people here a friendly, local place to meet someone genuine. Your family will come round in their own time. In the meantime, go and enjoy yourself.
- advice
- family
- essex
